My other Grandad died nearly 5 years ago and it was so different. He was my Mum's dad and he was such a huge part of my life that his loss was felt for a long time. Even now I miss him and situations and objects trigger memories. Memories I will treasure and pass on to my children (if I have any).
I only have one vague memory of my Dad's dad because I only met him once. I was 15 and we were visiting my Grandma and we popped in to see him before we travelled home. We weren't there long and no real connection was made.
It's just sad to me that I will never know him, know what he liked, what made him laugh. I feel more emotion thinking about the death of my old cat than I do my own Grandfather and there's a wrongness to that that really troubles me.
The decisions we make every day determine whether we stay connected to people. We make choices about our lives that mean we have to give up some things. We pull some people close and let others drift away, but do we ever really think about what that means, about what we are giving up?
I know I didn't. Maybe I should start.
3 comments:
Obviously relatives are largly chosen for us. We will not necessarily connect to all. We pull close, those that we need and push those that do us harm. There's nothing wrong with that. But always there should be a getting to know before such decisions are made.
the highway runs in both directions. It is not your total burden to keep the path open. You did good.
When my old dog, Fred, died, I cried for 3 days. My grandad (the one who died in 2004) lived with us and before that we saw him all the time, naturally he was a huge part of my families life, but when everyone else cried I felt so bad because I didn't. My brothers may have laughed all through the funeral (I didn't go - had exams, having already missed some of my A-level exams, I didn't want to fail...completely....) but at the wake, I suppose that's what you call it, a party for the dead.... I dunno, everyone cried and I sat there thinking, feeling, nothing. Maybe it's because he's old, or maybe, I'm a total Charlie Uniform, it's hard to say... anyway, more to the point, a couple of years later my Dad's dad (my other grandad) died and I actually went to that funeral and yeah, I had met him a couple of times, but these were brief visits and I would honestly say I didn't know him. I don't think my dad really knew him either. I think you're totally right though, we just make some connections in our lives and others, that maybe should have or would have been stronger, simply crumble to nothingness. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever see the bigger picture. C'est la vie.
Chin up, sailor.
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