Feeling good

So my life is fairly positive at the moment.  I expected to feel a lot of things after starting to work again but what I did not expect was to feel well.  I feel more well than I have in over 2 years!  My head is clear, my muscles aren't screaming at me and I'm feeling reasonably social.  The optimist in me thinks this may be the end of this period of ME hell.  If it is then thats brilliant!

I'm probably jumping ahead of myself so I am being cautious, keeping a close eye on my health.  I had a milestone this week, I came off the medication given to me for the worst period of my illness.  2 months ago I decided that it wasn't doing me any good anymore, maybe even making me worse.  So I started cutting my dose to wean myself off them and the results were amazing.  Over the last few weeks I've been slowly getting better, feeling brighter and ready to tackle the world again.  

Finally this week I have come off them completely.  The relief is more than I describe here.  I know how depressed it made me when I went back on them in the first place, it felt like a failure, it signified my inability to control my illness.  Since then I've worked through a lot of the issues I've had about having ME and have accepted that I will never control it.  I just have to live with the illness and do all I can to make my life easier.  I wasn't expecting the relief of ridding myself of the retched medication that I think may make things worse.

Next time I start getting ill, and I know there will be a next time, I'm not sure I'll take it.  We'll see anyway, if my theories on the cyclical behaviour of my illness is right, I don't need to worry about that question for another 2-3 years.

Whoosh!

Another week gone and its really flown by.  I managed to get some things done but there are many things I haven't.  I'm still feeling fairly positive but also a little frustrated.  I guess I always have a million things on my to do list and I barely scratch the surface.

I have made great strides with my quilt, nearly 50 squares done already!  I have managed to get through my first full week at work without major incident and I finished reading my book.  But I've gone another week without writing anything, no research done for my book and my house is a tip!

Why is it there is never enough time to get everything done?  There are some women that do it all and seem so organized and on top of things.  I doubt I will ever be one of those women.  Look out for me running behind that woman, late, ragged, with bits flying everywhere just one step away from being mistaken for a hobo! 

A new job

So this week I have been busy starting a new job.  It happened kinda quickly and took me by surprise.  I guess I've been looking for a job for months and had stopped thinking I'd get anywhere and then out of the blue I'm employed.

I now write information packs for a company who arranges for volunteers to go abroad to help in orphanages and schools etc.  It has actually been fairly interesting so far, learning about places like Ghana and Thailand.  It is also pretty stress free which is so important for my ME.  I just head in, work on the computer and then leave.  When I get home I don't think about it until I go back in the next day.

It feels so strange to be back in work again after so long.  I went off sick from my job last June and never went back.  14 months of contemplating my own navel has done me some good I hope.  I won't be making the same mistakes again and hopefully I will fare better than before.

I'm feeling positive.   

Christmas is coming

So this week I started thinking about Christmas.  I know what you're thinking, a bit premature, getting in there even before the shops.  But I make quite a few of the presents I send so it is important to get an early start.  So Monday I started thinking what I wanted to do this year for my nearest and dearest.

I'm always taken by surprise by how relaxing sewing is.  Somewhere inside me a switch flips when I get fabric in my hands and start bending it into something new.  A calm descends and I feel connected.  I feel home.  I don't know if that makes sense at all but that's how it is. 

When I was younger I learnt a lot of crafts, sewing, knitting, embroidery etc. but when I hit my teens I slowly stopped doing it.  The last thing I made was a dress when I was 15 and then after that nothing.

I went through nearly a decade where I didn't do any sewing or knitting or anything.  Then, whilst doing my degree I started playing around with fabric again.  I fell totally in love with the process.  Differences with the same Likeness wrote a blog the other day that got me thinking, about the nature of quilting.  I guess for me the process of creating with fabric is something that I shared with my mother and my grandmother and they shared with theirs.  It is a tangible link to the past, where I come from, it's my anchor to memories I'd forgotten.  It's comfortable, familiar and at the end you don't just get a quilt or item of clothing, or whatever it is you create, you have the memories of the process which will always be linked to the item.

I have to say I've been a little lost of late, which I think is obvious from my blog, I've been preoccupied with so many things which are important and I forgot to do the things that really mean something.

I signed up for a textiles course last week, I figured that just because I haven't got my life sorted doesn't mean I have to stop doing things that I enjoy.  I have started my Christmas crafty projects and everything is right with the world.  I am myself and only myself and I am immersed in the world I love.