Feeling good

So my life is fairly positive at the moment.  I expected to feel a lot of things after starting to work again but what I did not expect was to feel well.  I feel more well than I have in over 2 years!  My head is clear, my muscles aren't screaming at me and I'm feeling reasonably social.  The optimist in me thinks this may be the end of this period of ME hell.  If it is then thats brilliant!

I'm probably jumping ahead of myself so I am being cautious, keeping a close eye on my health.  I had a milestone this week, I came off the medication given to me for the worst period of my illness.  2 months ago I decided that it wasn't doing me any good anymore, maybe even making me worse.  So I started cutting my dose to wean myself off them and the results were amazing.  Over the last few weeks I've been slowly getting better, feeling brighter and ready to tackle the world again.  

Finally this week I have come off them completely.  The relief is more than I describe here.  I know how depressed it made me when I went back on them in the first place, it felt like a failure, it signified my inability to control my illness.  Since then I've worked through a lot of the issues I've had about having ME and have accepted that I will never control it.  I just have to live with the illness and do all I can to make my life easier.  I wasn't expecting the relief of ridding myself of the retched medication that I think may make things worse.

Next time I start getting ill, and I know there will be a next time, I'm not sure I'll take it.  We'll see anyway, if my theories on the cyclical behaviour of my illness is right, I don't need to worry about that question for another 2-3 years.