... to save our hearts from pain
1. I am happy. The first and perhaps the biggest lie as it is a mantra repeated often in a way that is more to convince myself than other people. I believe happiness to be a transient state in which once entered must be left after only a short time. If your life is spent in a happy state 20% of the time then you are very lucky. Not that I am an unhappy person, but I am all the more happy because I have experienced the lows that life can throw. If I was being truthful I would be disappointed if my life was entirely happy, very boring if you ask me.
2. I do not want children. I like to pretend that the white picket fence life with partner and children doesn't appeal to me. This life is looked down upon by so many women these days. It seems it is not enough to devote your time to raising children, you need to find 'extra-curricular pursuits' to validate your life. If I was honest I kind of crave that life. There are many things I want and this is one of them. I suppose there is always a chance that it wouldn't be so easy to perpetuate this lie if I actually thought I could have it.
3. I don't have time to write my book. There is time but I use it on other things, things that I feel are more proper things to do with my time. I think the main problem is that i still feel my writing is an indulgence and not a proper use of my time. Must do something about that.
4. I am well. I like to pretend that i am well. It makes me feel better to burry my head in the sand. I don't like many people knowing what is wrong with me. I don't like the way people treat me once they know so I don't tell them. I just carry on regardless and most people never know.
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