Chasing Clouds
The bright grass sways
around my prone state
as I spot shapes in the clouds.
The sun beats down,
I am on the warm side of comfortable,
an insubstantial mass of conscious
amongst the sentient brave.
The compacted ground beneath
my lying form sends my back
into spasm that does not ease
until I raise my legs.
Feet flat on the ground
knees peeking out from the grass
caps tickled by the gentle sway.
I wait here as the clouds advance over me
fluffy white delicacies will turn
into angry bruises roiling across
the sky like a petulant child threatening to cry
the droplets falling to caress my skin
clinging to the sanctuary.
Waking my deadened limbs.
Laying in this glade will not save me
the impending darkness lovingly calls
Staying does not deliver an inquiring mind,
it is just enough to mimic living
the grass not real, just as the fluffy
white bunnies in sky will not remain
when I open my eyes to the world.
4 comments:
I like this! Yeah, still a bit raw, but in a good way. Vivid imagery, really rings true.
Everyone needs a bread every now and then. At least that is what I got from your poem. Poetry, to me, is to transfere or create a thought. This did that for me. Thanks,, remember " A vicious block....." lol
Like this very much. It takes you places.
I think some lines need some editing and not sure about fluffy bunnies, I know what you are saying but I am sure we would have been told this is a bit overused. I guess I think it is ok if you use it delibrately and are aware of this. This has the potential to be a exceptional poem and up for CP?
Thanks for your feedback. Definitely worth working with. There are some things that aren't working as well as I'd like. Time for the edit I guess.
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